HEALING THE FATHER WOUND
Healing of Father Wounds
Will Change Your Life
Father / daughter duo, Bob & Beth, identified and eradicated hidden patterns and now walk in freedom.
They know freedom from father wounds is not only possible, but is the Father God’s heart for you.
Beth shares:
Expect your father wound to be healed
Common Responses
Therapy alone will not result in victory over:
- insecure
- confused
- meaningless
- low trust
- “nothing I do works”
Growing up with an (emotionally) absent father may have left you with:
feelings such as insecurity, a sense of loss, shame, sadness, feeling alone or abandoned. Trying to cope, keep those deeper emotions at bay, can result in anxiety.
- danger
- overwhelmed
- pessimism
- confused
Instinctually, children sense that dads should protect them. If that need is repeatedly not met in a secure home-life and experiencing a dad’s actual examples of protection…who will…
Children are by their nature focused upon themselves as they try to figure out the world around them. Often children who live with difficult situations just try to cope as best they can with circumstances. They often try to control as best they can the things that hurt.
They often blame themselves for anything negative that happens in childhood and particularly if it is not clearly explained to them.
Further information references – links
You may internalize your anger towards your father and his being absent and feel depressed as a result.
- Bitter
- Blaming
- Resentment
- Revenge
Perhaps your father used substances, was abusive, lying and otherwise unreliable man, whose behavior deeply hurt you. You may feel like you are stuck in anger and this can manifest in many ways such as rage whenever there is a conflict in a relationship.
When we grow up in a world out of control, many children work to get some control in their lives. And attempts to control grow.
- Abandoned
- Disrespected
- Deserving – in scrap heap
- Humiliated
- Failure – how others see us
- Inadequate
- Avoid – awkward social situations (“introvert”) that might become embarrassing
- Butt of negative humor
- False Guilt – Lingering guilt (after repenting) is not in keeping with what Jesus accomplished on the cross, with his robe of righteousness that the Lord places upon the repentant. If we do something wrong, then guilt can be a good thing, leading to repentance and corrective measures, but… ponder Heb. 8:12 that he remembers our sins no more.
- Dirty
- Damaged Goods
- Seeing our identity other than what scripture reveals about how God sees his children
Literal or Emotional Absent Parent
Parenting is hard and when you first become a parent you are flooded with feelings that may be linked to your own experiences of being parented or experiencing lack of parenting. You may distance yourself from your child and struggle to build an identity as a good enough parent.
- Familiar dysfunction seems safer than the unknown
- “Don’t deserve better”
We often seek the same dynamic in our relationships as we experienced in our childhood. You may have an unconscious wish to repair the early father wound by having a relationship with a person that creates similar and familiar feelings within you as you experienced in your childhood. We often gravitate towards something that feels familiar because at least we know what are dealing with. This may lead to choosing emotionally unavailable partners, resulting in a lot of relationship anxiety. You may engage in various behaviors to get their attention, such as nagging, excessive messaging, oversharing or other behaviors that may feel unsettling for your partner.
If a child thinks he or she is the cause of a divorce or other situation, a common effort is to try to please others and try to be perfect.
- Something is Basically Wrong with Me
- Damaged Goods
- Unfair
- Cheated
- Focus on ourselves and our wounds gives tunnel-vision that keeps us from seeing bigger Realities, like being the “Apple of God’s Eye”, Children and heirs of God, the God who tells is everything he has is ours.
- that our wounds & our dysfunctional response (often lead to Judgment of others).
- Both our wounds and our negative response break Abba’s Heart and Jesus came to heal the Father’s Heart.
- To Make all things New! To compost our garbage and turn it to good soil.
- Holding on to our wounds, like military medals so that others might admire or sympathize with us, just keep us from real freedom
- Problem getting in touch with real needs / reality.
- Bad choices history
- Problems making plans
- poverty, emotional, material
- Confused
- Does our status as a child of God give us status and rights? How do we – should we – see ourselves?
- Focus on unrealistic needs & expect others to meet those presumed needs?
- Father / mother caused my problems; they or others need to fix it. (victim mentality)
- We did not choose the trauma, but we are responsible for our response to wounds. Only we can deal with our thinking and choices.
If your self-assessment is that you are unworthy of Good things, that false belief limits experiencing blessings.
People often do not realize how strong / heroic they have been in dealing with wounds, just to get to where they are.
Can lead to other negative traits:
Suppressed or Excessive Emotions
Difficulties in connecting with our / other’s Feelings
Hard to describe our feelings
in order to control feelings
Women who do not experience a good father’s genuine love and nurturing may seek to find love in dysfunctional ways.
Men who do not experience a good father’s genuine love and nurturing may seek to find their manhood in sexual confusion, casual sex, or pornography
Incl: Pornography, Gaming, Alcohol, Internet, Shopping
– to control feelings
- Alone
- Disconnected
- Isolated / Isolation
- Don’t Belong
- Orphan
The image of “pushing our buttons” or reflex responses (Knee-jerk reactions) may bring to mind, “why did I do that?”
CS Lewis in Screwtape Letters & Neal Lozano in Unbound… present a window into a deeper reality than the natural world only.
What are the needs of a child's heart ?
-1 minute reflection-
Neal Lozano, author of Abba’s Heart & Unbound – A Practical Guide to Deliverance
Dispelling Lies about Father God
“Scripture affirms that…[God] not only loves us but likes us, enjoys us and delights to be with us…God’s love for us is not dependent upon us – it is rather about him, about a God whose nature is to love.”
Excerpt from Mother Teresa’s Secret Fire by Joseph Langford p 94)
"Stinking Thinking"
Lies We Believe
Beth and Bob were both profoundly changed by Unbound – Freedom in Christ Prayer, which focuses on 5 Gospel Principles ministered in the Power of the Holy Spirit. This ministry invites us to walk in new freedom of thoughts about Father God and Ourselves, Our True Identity and Destiny. The book Unbound: A Practical Guide to Deliverance by Neal Lozano and the Unbound – Freedom in Christ Conferences (both in-person and via video) are “eye openers”. For details
For those in or near Maryland, there are periodic times for Individual Unbound Prayer Sessions. For details
